Your dad touched me again.
i just woke up and "where the fuck is taco bell" was in my search engine...
Asian chick on skype stripping for me. Hold on give few min
I'm surrounded by 3 year olds in tutus. They are far too innocent to be within at least 500 ft of me.
like a sex slave...but with a better dental insurance plan
I blacked out after the shots of canned lobster bisque.
I don't care what we do tonight, as long as it makes me forget that my boyfriend just told me he likes taking it up the ass from big guys dressed as construction workers
Seriously? What part of meeting at Oktoberfest while I'm wearing a dirndl, double fisting, and making out with random guys screams "i'm girlfriend material"?!
There is a girl in my drunk limo who hasn't seen an uncircumcised penis. Hook me up with a picture.
You asked me if you had to go downstairs to get upstairs. And then you forgot where you were.
I told you he wasn't attractive.
Do you think I cared? I was wiping myself with a scarf..
who the fuck is meatball and why is he telling you to nap on the bar
I woke up with jello shots in pant pockets so I must've had fun
I want to get a list going called "D list celebs I've kissed"
Sometimes in life you just have to realize the security deposit isn't worth it.
Randomize
