I made out with four boys last night, AND EXCUSE ME WHILE I COUNT HOW MANY GIRLS.
dude she's married.
so? a ring don't cover no holes.
Having sex with her was like reading the Wall Street Journal.
Im sitting next to shitfaced santa at the cuse game. My plan to be on television is now flawless
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
By connection do you mean me drunkenly grinding my ass on his lap for an extended period of time? If so, then yes, we had a "connection"
Babe when I told you that you needed to grow up I didn't mean get drunk and sponsor 8 African kids.
My mom and dad are smoking a joint while lecturing me on what to bring and how to act in Europe. I'll finish this glass of wine and head over.
We make out exclusively when we're drunk. That's like a relationship for me, right?
Bad news. I baked you a cake and one of my fingernails is missing.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
he doesn't even text me anymore.. he just facebook chats me a shark emoticon which has turned into code for 'be naked at my house in 15 mins'
I'm really glad that we can be casual hook up buddies. This is a true friendship. Now, please convince your roommate to do the same. Thanks.
I Have a huge scrape on my knee and I need a better excuse than dry humping on a park bench...
Explain why there's a meatball in my bong
look, my penis is an amusement park, and it's closed for maintenance. why can't you just accept that?
I don't know how I managed to chip the inside of my tooth w/ a turkey and cheeto sandwich, but I think that's what happened.
I'm sorry, a turkey and WHAT sandwich?!?!
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