you thought that fire hydrant was a midget...you gave it a hug and asked for a lollipop.
Guy passed out in the lobby with a keychain sharpie hanging from his belt loop. 1 guest came in and wrote on him, then others saw and got in line. I'm not waking him up.
How much time is enough between masturbating and watching little bear?
I had to close one eye to read the questions on my final this morning. That hungover.
Woke up with 3 sports bras for underwear. Valiant effort drunk me.
I just got a msg from someone saved in my phone as "gouiys stAndingg nezxt me not oz". Omh my life.
I understand why they say don't drink the water in Mexico... I just saw 5 guys piss upstream of where the bar tender went to get the water
Just to let you know... If you ever want to get me a gift, the One Direction perfume comes out soon....... It's called Our Moment. It's an appropriate gift for a 25 year old woman.
He called from a stranger phone to say. He was a t a liquior store and there was a long line they have no condoms. This is the guy i was gonna go on a date with
Atleast he is letting you know he will be late
You can't have your cake and publicly stick your dick in it too
I refused to call him anything but Drake eyebrows all night.
I just look at my butt and see so much potential.
Is this really the life I've chosen for myself?
On a happier note, I can fit in my old shorts. Dope does have its perks
He doesn't have an existential crisis after we have really violent sex now which is nice
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