You asked the dj to play 'who let the dogs out" because it was your birthday. You left the bar and then re-entered to the song
I realized i make the same noise when i get a blow job as when i eat pizza
as they left, you opened the door, dropped your pants then yelled "don't leave, this is what you're missing"
He's engaged. If the world's smallest penis can find true love than I can too.
I would not wish his dick upon my worst enemy
Archery is over so let's go back to not giving a fuck for the next 3 years and 11 months
I just called the on campus pharmacy and asked the pharmacist to tell me how each one of my medications will react with "excess alcohol consumption". And I'm not even ashamed...I've reached a new low.
Look, I'm just saying, she looks like a troll and works indefinitely at a shitty Chinese restaurant, so me sleeping with her boyfriend is the least of her troubles...
Adulthood is making your own puke bucket.
There is an unwrapped tampon, a condom, a rubber chicken and a slim Jim currently sitting on our dining room table.
I spent last night dying strippers pubes green and landscaping shamrocks. That is why hands look like I squashed a leprechaun.
I've had sex near too many of the blankets to let our parents touch them like this
dont you DARE use my tequila influenced words against me
So after the absinthe shots_____(fill in the blank area for me please)......
But unlike the human Walter the plant Walter will someday grow to satisfy my needs
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