I will come over but only if I don't have to take my sunglasses off for it
On a scale of affliction to ed hardy, how douchy is in there right now?
I just heard a guy scream "it must be five o' clock!!" and another guy screamed "somewhere!!!" out from different balconies.
The difference between what I would do for a regular Klondike bar and an Oreo flavored Klondike bar is astounding
She said I wasn't helping her abandonment issues by not responding to her texts at 4 am
who put toothpaste on EVERY doorknob in my house?!
When they arrested me, they gave me a bracelet with my mugshot and info. When you get one they can be our BFF Bracelets.
She just kept introducing me to people by telling them which of their friends I've fucked
I woke up in a sink... Not like curled up on top of it though. I was standing, bent over, face first. IN THE DAMN SINK.
Nothing like grinding all night with a hot ethnic guy dressed as a clown to help conquer your phobia. Halloween is fucked up.
She was into my hawaiian shirt and id never made out with a dinosaur... I feel like it worked out for everyone
After my mom met Tanner, she literally turned and said "he's from old money, top of his class at Emory, already has doctors courting him for jobs and judging from your vocal performance the other night, he's gifted in bed. Fake a pregnancy right now"
I come from her. Holy hell.
I woke up still drunk to a beautiful tattooed columbian man making me pancakes. How's your memorial day?
Update: that felon in Georgia I slept with is now a police officer. What a wonderful world
I threw up in 4 different Starbucks across the city before 9 am.
Randomize
