Betty ford says i'm here all night
He cooked the food on a paper plate in the oven.
So I don't think its herpes anymore. Could be a sign of diabetes though. Is it bad that I consider getting diabetes 'dodging a bullet'?
i had to apologize to my friends for being friends with me
A good ear swabbing is more orgasmic than sex with him
Ha ha. You should see the things I'm doing to my body at Bob Evans.
I demanded respect from my fuck buddy. Drunk me is not fun.
I AM SENDING THIS TEXT MESSAGE SO I DON'T LOOK AT HIM. THANK YOU FOR RECEIVING IT.
It made me think of you cause he just screamed "CAPTAIN PLANET" a lot and kicked people in the balls.
Just warning you now f you do not get intoxicated with me in front of the family on thanksgiving we are not related.
Like do you realize his dealer came out with a gun and we laughed like it was all just fun and games...
It's pretty fantastic. I just wanna know how your bra ended up in the aquarium the other night.
he went to the bathroom at 5am only to come back and squeeze my boob before going back to sleep
I begin to question your sobriety when you both left here shirtless, with beers in one hand and shotguns in the other
Waking up naked and dehydrated has become a regular occupancy for me.
Randomize
