This is my last and worst hangover of the decade...I almost cherrish it
she reminds me of the kind of girl who'd fuck in church if you asked. I can dig it.
that trick or treat candy bucket that we used to collect beer money last night was very helpful when I vomited in it this morning
I stuck a note to his door with my gum explaining why i couldn't spend the night. as i was walking away, he opened the door...i fell down and played dead. deffinitly didn't see me.
I said we should get a taxi and you were waving down cars, three of which were cops and one of them slowed down and shook his head then kept driving
He didn't think we needed a taxi
Our innocent game of 'Duck, duck, booze.' ended up not being so innocent
Need your help. Dad's drunk and trying to build a still in the basement.
NM he's asleep in a pile of towels. They need to ease people back into Hockey Night in Canada.
I just want you to know that I am dancing around my apartment by myself singing Taylor Swift into a wine bottle. Do hurry.
it's like that moment that you're driving and realize you're lost except instead of driving i'm just sitting here in my living room drunk, eating a plate of sausages, drinking red wine and just thinking "i'm going to be 28 this year. i know people who are married, with beautiful and well behaved children. where was the wrong turn?"
I was on etsy and I'm like those boobs look way too familiar
Fell asleep on kitchen floor again, chicken nuggets everywhere.
It's true. There would need to be A LOT of data collection. Aka, dick-catching. I volunteer as tribute.
The body is still out there. I don't think my trainer realized when he asked me not to drink for 24 days, how often I see dead people
Blacked out and showed everyone my nudes. They toasted to my nudes, and I got an outstanding ovation.
Oh god I just had an orgasim riding my bike. I need to get laid pronto.
Randomize
