I hope you had to get up out of bed and walk across your room to check this text message
Its what im here for. Critiquing penis photos.
The drugstore has summer clearance. I bought you a little mermaid bucket. Now your hangovers will feel more like childhood adventures.
Just pull your dick out and wink at her, its a game changing play
ok so I've decided, new penis Thursday (formally known as new people Thursday) will need to be put on hold next week in preparation for Friday
Memorial weekend is the following week genius. New penis Thursday countdown has already begun.
If you asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be today, I can pretty much guarantee I wouldn't have replied with "buying hemorrhoid cream on Bourbon St at 7am"
I'm eating those little wheels of cheese and watching storage wars, this is the opposite of sex.
I might have been the first person to be rolling balls at a referee seminar
He woke me up at 3 am, turned me on, then changed his mind. There is no way he is getting out of twilight now.
Using Michelob Ultra as champagne.
All I have in my new place is coke and a treadmill.. it's workout Wednesday
Showed up to the airport to find my fuck buddy is on the same flight. Do you think he'd be intertested in the mile high club?
Why can't they just let me be the gorgeous cum dumpster that I know I'm meant to be?
...I just melted into my bed. I am one with the bed. I am 600 thread count.
And tell your penis that we can hang out tonight for sure.
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