It's pretty bad when the convenient store clerk can tell you that you're earlier than usual for visiting the store.
I am midnight drunk by noon
some girl in front of me in class just googled "hungover+throwing up blood"
Better skin, bigger boobs.. Birth control is INCREASING my chance of getting pregnant because people actually want to have sex with me now.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I forgot to tell you thank you for putting me out when I was on fire. im sure I'll laught about this someday...
Just did ten shots in 8.34 minutes........ Slowly getting over the loss
I just saw her take the entire bowl of lime wedges from the bar and pour them all in her purse, and now using the empty bowl as a hat. Waiting for security to come and throw her ass out.
Heard puking from next door. Looks like the third floor won't be any different than the second.
If Dave says he's going to have sex with her, he's going to fuck her retarded and turn her crazy. So run.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Told some chick I'm a virgin, on my way to her house as I type this. Debating crying afterwards to fuck with her head.
Jail is not for me. They portion control your meals and I don't really like that.
I hooked up with a lesbian tonite. Top 2 valentines experiences of all time.
No it's ok I've been talking to the girl at the Chinese restaurant about your dick for the last 20 minutes. I haven't mentioned your name but she thinks she knows you.
Can I just go naked and covered in glitter?
If I shall die, I wish to bequeath to you my personal library, my sigma tau delta presidency and all it's apparel, and a puppy.
Randomize