What do you call a girl with PMS and GPS?
A crazy bitch that WILL find your ass!
he keeps commenting everything on my facebook. it's like he's virtually peeing on me
We found him pissing on the sidewalk in his socks signing the national anthem. I love you summer.
votre penis est TRES GRAND. i used vous because your penis is SO big
i never thought i could drink so much vodka in 8 minutes
He held the beaver pelt from the fireplace over my crotch and asked his friend "she look familiar now?", he then remembered my name.
Wow it must be so difficult to be as popular as you are and smoke as much weed as you do
It's 1:26 and I have already found 5 fruit flies between 3 separate glasses of wine. This is supposed to be a summer problem. Fucking global warming.
I guess "Ass Fun Friday" is not a thing no matter how many times I say it or bring it up in conversation...
Ain't no cockblock like hearing the word"HOOODOOORR!" shouted from the bedroom floor while in the middle of sex.
I just left and he walked me out and went call me if you're ever... Eh... Whatever. And walked away.
Now i know i wasnt that drunk... So why are there texts of me volunteering for a nude photo shoot for an art major student?
Where are you? Where am I? Why am I so red?
I have more important things to worry about than you drowning your cheerios in tequila.
Note to self: make sure the door is locked before the handcuffs go on.
Randomize
