yeah well you didnt even puke from the alcohol. we cut you off and went to huck finn's and told you that the "irish cream" coffee creamers had baileys in it, so you shot down like eight of them and puked all over the floor. it was great. we cheered you on and everything
Omg just saw this kid I went to elementary school with at the bar and he used to be cool and I was so awkward but now I have boobs so I WIN.
Holy jesus god. My teeth taste like street.
Until you wake up with a Hustler club stripper in the next room whose nipple you were coerced to lick at Snake & Jake's after breaking up a fight between an Indian and a Filipino, I don't wanna hear about your weird.
Found half of a five day old piece of pizza behind my dresser. Apparently it was drunkenly set there and got knocked down. It was such a happy reminder of last weekend.
I found a cheeseburger next to my tub once. It's there to shame you, but it always just makes me feel more awesome.
Hes drunk and dancing naked. I can hear his dick smacking his legs from the next room.
Haha he puts me in a mood mix of annoyed and... "just get in my pants"
Stop your judging. I got free booze AND an oil change. You're the one whose always saying we're spending too much money.
One public bathroom does not equal a wedding vow
Let's be honest, I've seen a decent amount of dicks in my life and very few of them have been worth all the trouble.
I'm having a hard time eating my sandwich knowing how many different buttholes my hands were in last night.
I just had to explain why I ate a whole quart of mac and cheese before 8am. Not a good start to the day
He was like the most intimidating looking guy you've seen in your life except he was really shittily doing the two step
Little girl was fucking around on the train and completely ran her head into a pole. Totally burst out laughing as she cried. Her mom was not amused. I don't think I should be a Mom. EVER.
Dude, my back STILL hurts from carrying the team on BP last night.
Randomize
