he was so high, he talked to my goldfish for an hour telling him the dangers of overfeeding.
All I'm saying is that whoever owned the wheelchair clearly didn't need it or they wouldn't have been able to leave it there
I think showering with 5 people and a half gallon of vodka was one of the best decisions we have ever made.
she was stripping to whiskey lullaby. most depressed boner.
I just got released from jail. still in my kilt. bring pants damnit. they won't understand.
pants will make it better? really?
Man, I thought my dick was gonna fall off.
Dude, I didn't even think they made slap bracelets anymore. You okay?
i never thought i could drink so much vodka in 8 minutes
Good point, clearly my love of penis contributed to my torn knee ligament.
He tried to spell out "PROM?" in his cum on my stomach during sex. It was terrible
well did you say yes?
Sexual Frustration City, population: Me.
I just tried to give a picture of a dude a blowjob. through my computer screen. I was leaning forward with my mouth open and everything so WALK AWAY
Vodka Vensday. With a Russian accent... It counts.
Where are you and why are you fighting with a bird?
He was standing in the living room wearing a Donald Trump wig and looking very disappointed
I could have sworn that I went home last night... but judging from the couch I just woke up on, apparently not.
I just wanna go home jackoff, eat chicken fingers, drink beer, play halo and go to bed. I'm sick of this shitty school, the shitty kids and having to fucking teach them.
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