Black lace...the rest is up to ur imagination
i don't know what kind of porn he watches.. but that is NOT how you do it...
My bra broke.... so I Macguyvered that shit together with floss
You told her dad that you were gonna "superman that ho" I love the first impressions you make
I'm not judging you. Just know that you could be Queen of The World. Instead you're 5:28 p.m ponging. I hope you're at least winning
C'mon. I'm still an alcoholic at heart, regardless of its broken or not
i wish i could tell my students that all of their lessons plans were brought to them by captain morgan and diet coke. it's like seasame street, only for high schoolers being taught by a student teacher.
If I could run through a field of Reece's and Oreos, dive off a milkfall into a bowl of cereal. My Life would complete.
I may or may not have definitely said the words "how do I put this beer in my purse without looking like an alcoholic" last night.
This dude is trying to sext and all I can think about is taco bell and their new crunch wrap sliders
Never doubt me. I am drunk and unstoppable and I will finish this book
All I did was call him a fucker when he took my pot. He didn't have to arrest me.
You followed me up the stairs while i was throwing up yelling "projectile! projectile! projectile!"
I went to finger her and found a penny. I think ill keep it.
It's only awkward the first ten minutes you realize it's not your house.
Randomize