please. tell me to stop eating out of the trash.
That girl's pussy is like White Castles, you crave it once in awhile, but you know next morning you regret eating it.
I wish you could see the look on my boss's face right now.
wtf?
Before you passed out in the middle of the NHL 10 party you had to prove that you were a better fighter than Patrick Kane. Your not. Thanks for the black eye dipshit.
Why do I always have sex on the first date when I know it demotes me to booty call girl?
Just set all my clocks a minute apart. Now my 4:20 is longer by sixfold
I wouldnt endorse that guy if he was walking in a walkathon to raise money for a disease i had
I now have an ENTIRE drawer of unused disposable silverware from Boston Market... and you guys said I needed to "buy" kitchen stuff
If I die, I leave all my liquor in my apartment to you. Be a drunk bitch at my funeral. I wouldn't want it any other way.
Send me one of your boob pics as an example. I mean this in the straightest least lesbian way possible.
The international association of gay square dance clubs had a booth set up in the lobby of my hotel.
of all the things that should kill me, scurvy wont be one of them
I might go bald with this hair pulling thing every night.
I am so horny that I an legitimately concerned for your safety when I see you tonight.
I woke up with my converse still on and a plate of pasta next to my face, if that gives you any indication of how my night went
so how about you dont randomly call my mother during parties?
Randomize
