Mr ***** is in bed with his super hot wife giving her 18 inches of pleasure
Where's the Hot Mess Express headed tonight?
I hope that's not the new nickname for my friends and me.
I wish there was a "friends who have gained the most weight since high school" filter on facebook for when I am feeling fat.
The more my room-mate speaks, the more I notice that she was home schooled.
We did face masks and fucked...he really isn't gay, what they say about europeans is just true
we tried to steer you away from them but you just kept yelling 'i need dick' and going back. sorry.
I called her new haircut "lesbian progressive" and now she's upset
I have the money I owe you for auctioning off your black thongs. Best 30 bucks ever spent
He knows my period schedule but not my work schedule.
Just walked into the bar to find a guy in a Boba Fett helmet leaning casually against the wall, texting. This night just got real.
Hungover in church. I can feel stained glass Jesus judging me.
You were talking to yourself and eating cold cuts in the kitchen when I found you
As your friend, who loves and cares for you, I have to be honest. I am judging you so VERY hard right now. Sorry.
i knew it was a party when i saw you sitting on the couch naked with the keg in your lap, still drinking and passing out cups
ONE DAY CAN WE PLEASE HAVE SECRET SEX. PREFERABLY IN AN ANCIENT PYRAMID BUT I'M NOT OPPOSED TO A 4 STAR HOTEL
Randomize
