remember that time that crown gas station wouldn't sell us a lighter so we had to use matches and birthday candles to smoke with a toilet paper roll? sometimes i miss high school
Found my new morning breakfast spot. Hospital cafeteria. Nobody asks questions, they just assume shit went downnn
It's when I'm in my pajamas and in need of a gin delivery that I miss NYC most of all.
I just saw the list where the U.S. doesn't even rank in the top 10 in drinking countries. I know its Tuesday but....its for America
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You walked away saying that you had to pee and you never came back. We found you an hour later in his roommate's bed. Under the covers. Still in your wet bathing suit.
I need you to help me convince Steph that she will like Tequila if she would chase it with A-1
I am day drunk. Get ready to see my dick.
I love my life sometimes. I do miss being an adult, from time to time, but a little vodka always changes my mind.
I am making dinner in lingerie and heels and there is a 75% chance his roommate is going to walk in on this.
Yup. There he is. This conversation is awkward.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You asked me to text you at 11 and remind you that he's 33. It's 11:20. He's 33.
you're too late. he has eggnog and whiskey and all seven seasons of buffy. I shan't be coming home tonight
I just smoked a bowl alone and took my Zyrtec here's to a full night.
Dude at one point I lost you only to find you sitting in the bushes eating pizza.
I chatted up the pastor's son on Grindr during the service. Still ridiculing my decision to go to church this morning?
Well I finally got to say all the things I wanted to say. Including telling him he looks like a naked mole rat
You use your abs way more than I realized. Btw multiple orgasms is the best thing I've ever discovered.
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