Peanut Butter and turkey sandwich...this may come back to haunt me
ok understand this, i didn't pay for your dinner bc you said i wasn't going to get a blowjob for at least a month... this isn't a mail-in rebate deal, you gotta pay upfront
Well he's not exactly single.. It's like an open relationship his wife doesn't know about
And a psychic told me I was pregnant and I am just so over life right now.
I think they can follow the trail of blood to my house if they have a problem with me taking a dip in their hot tub last night b4 stepping on a broken bottle
I ended up with bruises on the back of my knees. Tell me again how I did this?
So I'm at the VFW tonight and the shot special here is straight 151 for 2 dollars. They must hate our livers
Why is there a water bottle full of red wine on my desk this morning?
See you tonight.
i just found a red feather stuck to my penis and i really wanted to send you a picture but too much
I'm so hungover I can't taste anything
Do they still have sex clubs in San Francisco? Because that'd be an interesting way to spend Easter.
We're going to ride the bus of mixed signals all the way to unrequited love town and that's where I'm going to live my life and then die.
you gave me money for the cab and then walked home..
Lunch?
Massage?
Spanking with handcuffs?
dad says come back and get the lawn mower out of the pool before mom gets home
Randomize
