No. I broke it. Note to self, never take a shower with your phone in your pocket.
apparently i'm not the first person wake up and realize she's ugly cuz i tore this house apart and there is no sign of my clothes
i love my job...i have craft hour at my desk w twizzlers
can u grab me a application
The usual. Woke up on a dog bed with peeps and $11.
Trying to figure out when's a good time to take acid and not tell anyone and see how long it takes people to notice
Woke up this morning with seven juice boxes under my pillow and an empty box of condoms In my pocket. Good night.
i was mezmorized. she was the most beautiful girl that looked like a boy i ever seen
Well you tried to pay for a drink with your keys for one...
Opted for cash back rather than the 10% extra I'd get for store credit, solely for drinks tonight.
You're lovely.
I've got your keys and your panties. You can have one back. Your play honeybuns.
dude, I felt like being high in a Santa hat and eating five boxes of cookies was right for today.
Whatever. I'll take my new fine ass dick sucking nails elsewhere.
Also you can't just sext a Michelle quote from Full House.
Finally got with the virgin.
Yeah? Howd that go?
As soon as I got it all the way in, I looked deep into her eyes and said "your soul is mine" in the deepest voice I could make. She was not amused.
Consume your own penis you ugly freak.
Randomize
