So...we accidentally left a bag of puke in your sister's room. Heads up.
meet me or not, i'm out of control
After the VIP Latina experience at the strip club last night, I am rooting for Mexico in this years World Cup.
The straight man in me wants to hit on her. But the gay man in me wants to compliment her on her awesome outfit.
I can trace it back to that drunken night where we peed on each other in the shower.
we came up with a wnba drinking game. take a shot every play that you could've done better. won't make it through 1st quartar
Trust me at the end of the night there will be queso smothered places you didn't think it could be smothered
We shaved off his eyebrows I'm pretty sure his fiance will be thrilled at the wedding
He broke up with me because "we're at different points in our lives" I think it's because he saw a drag queen with their hand halfway down my pants
Just realized I used a picture of my little sister to holler at a guy, only 3 months old and she's already my wingman.
well you don't shave your pubes into a handlebar mustache and keep the party to yourself
I dropped my pants and she just stared until she asked how is that even possible? Best night ever lmao
Sorry I had sex in your backseat while everyone was in the car
It's quite alright. I found his shorts in my backseat, not sure what he was wearing when we dropped him off
I'm either hallucinating or there is a dying cat outside my apartment....
Visiting my great uncle went well. The highlight of the evening was when he said, "Oh my god. I'm 79 and I'm teaching 18 year old kids how to roll a joint."
Randomize
