just sold my soul for a pack of cigaroos. little do they know they got the short end of the deal. suckers.
Just met someone from Jersey. No fist pumps or jagerbombs. Kind of disappointed...
His fingers had 12 years of piano lessons behind them. my ex has been put to shame by a finger
Jessi just used the excuse "it's not you it's me" to get out of getting a lap dance.
Its 4 am and he honestly tried throwing pizza at his ceiling for decorations
Yea. You cant just squeeze my balls. They are sensitive
NEW RULE: can't hook up with more than 50% of the groomsmen in wedding party or it becomes wrong kind of weird. NUMBERS GAME.
Can you please reassure him im not a scary or intimidating person? And that really my entire life is a series of completely ridiculous events that have led me here?
Please tell me there isn't another video of me on the toilet...
How many times have we said we'd stop taking Jell-O shots with strangers?
Ask him to BK for an ice cream cone and do him in the car. That counts as a date
Had phone sex with my boss who I still haven’t seen in person. How’s your Monday ?
We're sort of like brothers. Except with more sexual tension. And we don't look alike. Or are related.
So we're not much like brothers really.
Had a job interview today. Walked into the room and said "IT'S GO TIME, BITCHES".
All she said was "Do me by Friday."
Randomize
