I'm drunk at a fancy martini bar, wearing jeans, drinking cheap vodka that I brought in my purse. Got thrown out of court for using my cell phone. All in all calling Thursday a success.
The reason halloween exists is because it's not cheating if you're wearing a costume.
I've been deciding between brands of bagels for 20 minutes. This why I doint smoke weed.
I'm sorry I make you whore yourself out to him everytime I'm drunk and want mcdonalds.
Well the good news is my "i'm an adult" dinner party went well, they all brought wine and complimented my cooking abilities. the bad news is i woke up with the leftovers in my bed/on my face
On a separate but also a very relevant note, can we practice drinking wine like real people?
I'd like to bring you 40 virgins and treasure chests of gold to make you feel better
Its official the day you get back into town we are having a going away to jail party for me. My last wish before prison is to shit faced drunk with you, get into a fist fight, and then cuddle up and fall asleep. Just like old times <3
lets talk about you, dubstep, and a bunny suit.
Oh my god did you actually lose a tooth
It's Scottsdale, it shouldn't be this hard to find drugs.
Also. I think I just got sentimental over a nude
On a side note, my ex husband offered to buy me shrooms
hey u leave my anime porn out of this
I'm trying to fuck him and feed him. I don't understand why it isn't working.
I guess daylight savings isn't a holiday we need to celebrate for three days...
Randomize
