I woke up on a raft in a bath tub filled with beer. excellent night.
You kept throwing bottles at the dorm across the courtyard and when anyone told you to stop you just said "who are you? Al Gore?"
I was still in a towel. We hadn't even started drinking yet and the champagne bottle dropped and exploded literally up into my vagina.
The bouncers kicked us out around 3 so we went to the grocery store flasks in hand and asked them to turn up their music...
I'm just sayin' man be careful, that chick has castration written all over her.
i need to start using my dry humping skills. i was dry humping champion in 7th grade
I mean, I gave him a hand job on the Pearl Harbor tour bus; I don't know what the fuck else he wants out of this "relationship"
Lesson learned. Don't roleplay with a real knife.
At some point he mentioned fried rice and take out... I don't think we know how sexting works
Easter was a success. We had an egg hunt and hid weed and conforms inside them. Cooked a ham, made some jello, got wasted. THIS is adulthood?!
I feel like we need to find him and explain that if the two of them would just fuck he'd understand.
Your favorite boobs are sending you seasons greetings
My face feels like a midget just gave birth to quintuplets
I left my parents and ran through the airport. I was like I'm not getting stuck in Atlanta tonight and not having sex.
I supernannyed him into submission
Randomize
