You would DIE at the bar we're at right now. All indian/asian med students, I swear
Asian doctor ratio. So hot. I would've gone into heat
OMG I just tried to text you something dirty but accidentally texted the obama campaign
I don't know what's more pathetic, the fact that you dated him or the fact that it took a Taylor Swift song for you to break up with him.
I had to hold off a girl who was trying to check your pulse while you were passed out. She kept screaming that she was a nursing major and needed to make sure you were alive.
I don't think the cop knew you were on ecstasy until you asked for a back rub.
when i went to the store to buy my pregnancy test they were giving carnations to all the moms and they gave me one and said "just in case"
It's safe to say that bucket of tequila night can NEVER HAPPEN AGAIN.
I HAVE MY OWN TITS FOR THAT AND I CAN GUARANTEE THAT THEYRE MORE GLORIOUS
My god this is going to ruin whatever Vegas left of our souls...
DAMMIT Im supposed to be running a company not discussing dick piercings!
There's a ton of international students in my suite and I'm just sitting in this chair with no pants on eating frosted flakes
Just peed off a cliff while playing white snake on my phone. Close enough?
Are you okay? You're not sitting at home on facebook. I'm worried about you.
I just want to see his penis in the light. Is that a crime?
I think my dick has healed enough that we can start having sex again
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