i would really appreciate it if you would stop texting my girlfriend.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop cock blocking me.
she just gave her compliments to the chief, at dennys
I woke up and we were making out. So the good news is that after two years off the market, I haven't lost a step. I'm picking up girls in my sleep now.
We got really high and decided it would be a good idea to wash towels in the dishwasher. I left before I could see the final result.
why is there a fishing net hanging from my ceiling fan?
He showed up in booty shorts and no shirt and said dont laugh dont ask questions and give me a fucking final and no one in class said anything we just sat there speehless
He peed in the bird bath. Those birds are gonna be pissed
As I was throwing up blood I assured concerned onlookers that I had simply "eaten a lot of ketchup today"
Apparently being drunk on a southwest flight and yelling "TURNUP" during take off is looked down upon in this state.
I could just tape a camera with a live feed to my head & you could check in on me from time to time
Pssh I just bang a girl in a single person tent. Thats like the back seat of a sedan.
I just want to nap and funnel a bottle of wine in a cute dress
when I called the strip club they said there was a note with my credit card. "girl who punched guy in throat" fuck daytona
Cocaine and dance dance revolution for 4 hours. I consider last night a success.
Also I ordered a dildo and I'm not sure if I want it still, so there might be a free dildo in your future
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