nothing tight i'm going to stuff myself with food and alchy
There are rumors he has a square penis....ill do anything though....
Um don't talk to me about fat. I just used my chip bag to cover up all my candy wrappers in the garbage.
So all semester this guy and girl have been talking, and today is the last class and we are doing nothing. I would have skipped but I want to see if he seals the deal or pusses out. It's like a season finale.
I want to frame my negative pregnancy test.
The plants looked thirsty. Growing plants need mimosas too.
We asked an illegal alien to buy us beer. He didn't even want a tip. I'm going to Washington to plead that case.
she gave me a blowjob during our lunchbreak and expected me not to tell people
At least she'll always have a story about the time she showed up to the emergency room drunk and covered in chocolate syrup on her birthday.
The guys are trying to figure out my orientation....think theyve settled on "drunksexual"
Are you good with a knife? I need someone to perform amateur surgery.
this relationship shit is hard. like i'd like to be able to watch veep without him trying to dry hump me. also im drunk and its 11 am so
My apartment is so clean right now, I should invite someone over for sex just so someone can see how clean it is.
They had like literally all the dildos. It looked like a seance for dick. I left the apartment and haven't been back.
we cut you off when you started chasing with your slim fast shake
Randomize
