That's why girls suck all the time. Blah blah nag nag drama drama buy me things but I won't touch your penis
A good ear swabbing is more orgasmic than sex with him
The only thing that makes me want to stop the affair is that I am the Monica Lewinksy in this triangle.
This is even worse then that time I fucked a guy just because he had air conditioning.
He said he had bite marks on his back... Turns out he had to throw me over his shoulder, and I was really reluctant.
I think they called the cops after 15 minutes of you shaking their clothes line like the ultimate warrior and calling out hulk hogan
I was ready to fuck him until he pulled the "I might be bi curious" card. Now its turned into a guilt fuck. It's like he's a 3rd world child in need of a sexual orientation.
We tried to break her futon, I crushed my balls instead. You have one less reason to be jealous that my balls are insanely huge and yours are not.
The spray paint was a bad idea, 'insert penis here' isn't coming off
So after I fell off 4 times we concluded I'm not allowed to ride him anymore.
I should be trashily making out with an air force cadet in the beach volleyball court by now
Went to my bottom drawer for my stash , gone just a note says thanks sucker love dad
All right well I’m making her sugar cookies and sleeping with her husband tonight. Just another manic Monday
Whats spookier? Halloween or waking up to a drunk text from your ex telling you how awesome you are at 2am
I threw a lamp at you?
Yes, yes you did.
Awesome
Randomize
