Sometimes I feel like I shouldn't drink when I come out of a black out half naked covered in puke. Then I realize thats why I drink.
So that's a yes to the cocaine usage and a no to the rollerblading
i feel like i'm a professional at blowjobs i can deep throat an entire spatula
This is why I'm not putting my name in lights over your bed.
This is my last and worst hangover of the decade...I almost cherrish it
I am currently eating pure cake frosting...I am not sure how I was ever referred to as a responsible adult.
Need your help. He's locked himself in the bathroom with his bong and his childhood collection of Goosebumps books.
Leaving someone plastered on a corner at 3am telling them to just scream for cock is NOT being a good wingman.
I'd like to introduce you to my friend, Moderation. Enjoy each other's company this weekend.
Your friend and I already don't get along
It's amazing I mean I blew that senator just for him to deny me marriage.... Politics suck and he swallowed!
I dont know but I had two different hospital bands and half a pie when i woke up.
Hey, dude, is Kevin still passed out on your porch?
Yeah. I'm gonna go leave a pitcher of bloody mary next to him in case he's still alive.
I just delete my bank app from my phone to have enough storage to download tindr. Is this my life now?
please tell me he didn't just scream 'i am the yiff lord' at the cops
Doing shots with my high school valedictorian. Bucket list
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