i love when people i haven't talked to since we fucked write on my wall.
theres always time to masturbate. my grandpa taught me that.
It's hard to believe so much cum came out of such a small penis.
I got kicked out of an open bar wedding reception. The bride "felt threatened" by my presence. Not my fault she's ugly
Walt said he was feeding me so I wouldn't die. that's why there was pasta in my room
BoomCity!!!
You don't have to text me that every time you have sex. I already heard you ring the gong.
I'll remember. Also, I owe you 200 for a pair of shoes that I carelessly bought to improve my spinal structure, to improve my health and ensure that I love to be 300 years old. Like Adam. Of the bible.
I got sucker punched while I was making out with some girl...I think my molar might have flown into her mouth
Our DD will meet us there. The strippers are sending a limo to pick him up. He promised them New Years Eve massages. Said he would still drive us home.
I can assure you I didn't go home with a girl, because I woke up on someone's porch
He added me on LinkedIn while I was baking weed brownies in the boxers he left here... Is this adulthood?
Congrats on graduating and I'm in a cab and need someone to helps keeping me up, do you mind
He howled at the moon then told me that if i were a dog he'd have sex with me...either i look like that girl or i need to stop going on blind dates. Period.
Really should've known 2020 was gonna suck when the guy dressed as baby new year got arrested at our party 5 past midnight...
I swear I'm an adult. I say as I send my mom to go find me green lucky charms and lady gaga oreos
Randomize
