how come the more i say "don't get it in my eyes," the more gets in my eyes
Some girl next to me in class is making a list of whta to pack for spring break & it was a normal list until she put birth control in all caps w/ stars around it
I think I should just go up to him and say, "before I invest time in this could I just take a look at your penis?"
She told me she needed to clarify that we are not fuck buddies, we are best friends that have sex once in a while
Dorm room. In. Elevator. Fell in. Boom. Puke
cracked out the beer snorkel again. that thing has a five for five record of getting me naked.
hr gave me pretxwk salad and a doubke shot of grey goose. i approve! tou guys are a beautidil couple.
I just realized that the thing that smelled like an electrical fire in my house was me.
My drug dealer just made me weigh out my own weed because he was in the middle of taking his law enforcement final
The gas station was closed so we found old PBR and played Edward Nalgene Hands instead
My new successful method of booty calling is sending a screencap of a map with the shortest route from their location to mine highlighted.
Dude come to her party. Someone just took a body shot of rubbing alcohol
you're hired as official boob wrangler
honestly if there were pictures of last night i would be embarrassed.... im embarrassed without pictures
I think he just shit his pants. Yep he did. That's unfortunate.
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