Who keeps a bong in their car??
Kids who graduated high school two weeks ago.
How do you say "I'm not pregnant in Spanish?"
So i'm in a museum and theres a punch bowl from 1765 with a picture of 3 men forcing the 4th to drink the punch bowl. Colonial hazing
Don't be offended. I can't even stand sleeping next to my dildo after I'm done, let alone a whole person.
Of all the shitty people we associated with, you should be happy that I'm the one fucking your cousin. Sorry.
Is it too early to say this year has been a blur?
You need to stop having girl talk with the guys I'm sleeping with.
He must have sensed I was about to trade him in...he's really stepped up his sex game
I fucking, woke up on a couch with a towel as a blanket to someones lion king ringtone.
I could not actually bring myself to utter the phrase "donkey cock" in front of my father. Not possible.
Funny how the post-sex UTI lasted longer than the entire relationship.
When we were having sex last night, I told him I would replace him with tacos
My moms new boyfriend looks like Stu Pickles if he was in a biker gang. He gave me free coke though, so come party?
Tomorrow night, I am putting you In my trunk. No excuses we have waited forever for this.
No I'm not high but I did cry for over an hour tonight because I realized that they never made a sequel to "Under the Tuscan Sun" with Diane Lane.
Randomize
