i fell asleep last night with fifteen animal crackers in my mouth. rock bottom dude.
saw my dad's penis on the x-ray last night. at least his hip wasn't broken
This martini tastes like the bartender stirred it with his foreskin.
I wish there was some sort of "recently added" function for blackberrys so i could see what random numbers i got from the night before
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just because she blew him doesn't mean she knows his name.
my dad's beating me at drinking again. No matter what i do I can't win.
I just sent a friend request to someone saying that i was the girl he shared a fifth of jager with last week. Thats something special. He better accept.
we put a pacifier in your mouth because you kept drunkenly singing country music.
Asking the cop for directions wearing a lion mask may not have been my best moment...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I want to apologize in advance for texting you a picture of my penis tonight.
she gave me head while i watched the '98 Rose Bowl on espn classic. Ryan Leaf really was a huge bust
Your anal douche was on bathroom counter. Now it's in dumpster. Not ok. I am mad. Very mad.
You were hitting on girls while wearing the banana suit. When they rejected you you yelled "I gotta split anyway."
Also, I had mind-blowing sex on a pool table
She walked up to me and whispered "I hope you're good at sex" and led me to the beach.
Randomize