I thidmdmk you'gre a special person
cynthia nixon should never get laid more than me
Now I'll never know if Megan finds a millionaire.
I wish they made portable blow up dolls for girls.
It's called a dildo, genius. Go to sleep.
My TA just came over to give us drugs. Now he's drinking grey goose with my roommate and explaining his thesis to her. This is too much.
Not only was there cake on the wall but someone shoved cake and meat in a cup and put it in the fridge.
He told me to fuck off at some point in the night. I think it was right before he jumped out of a moving car trying to get to another bar and made Abby cry.
I believe I won the Golden Vodka Bottle of sadness last night for crying while being party boyed.
my boss just accepted "because it's 4/20" as a legitimate reason to take Friday off
They have a stripper pole on their deck. Normal.
Apparently I'm ahead in the foot race to his dick because I'm not insane. If I'd have known that's all it took, I'd have worn sweat pants more often.
okay we need to get tested.
no YOU need to get tested. I'm just going along for the ride.
You are in a fancy European city. The best way to truly experience the city is through Tinder
Man I sound like a slutty Mormon
Ehh, the third backed out. Two still isn't bad. Who gets a bootycall to pick them up from a bootycall's house anyways? Only me.
Randomize