Remember when you weren't going to be a shit show?
Just saw a teacher from our school with his wife... Now i really know how little teachers get paid.
Dude..her orgasm sent her into a seizure...theres no joke here. It happened.
I hid my booze in my old Sesame Street lunch box. Big Bird might be disappointed, but I feel Oscar the Grouch would approve.
After throwing up, the toothpaste tasted so good. Thank you for not letting me eat it.
Yea, you were talking about how you did not want to be a reindeer for at least 5 minutes.
When we do our power hour over Skype I'm just going to sit on the toilet so that way I won't have to get up in the middle of it and miss any shots
Taking my infected piercing out in the parking lot of the food card place. This is one of those life defining moments that makes me sad.
He stole a bottle of grenadine from the bar. And got arrested. His new cell mate is going to love his bright red lips.
She is larger then a hippo. You could cut her open in the middle of a blizzard and crawl in like Luke skywalker. Throw a couch and a tv in there and you're set
Seriously. All i can say is im covered in mud, my jaw hurts, i cannot straighten my arm, egg is everywhere, and there is a dead squirrel.
I'm just opting for alcohol abuse, ramen and cuddling with my dog for now.
I thought he was foreign, but it turns out when you're that drunk, an Ohio accent just sounds Russian.
I'm on my way to bail our sister out of jail with our mother's credit card. How old are we??
can you take a pic of your glorious tits but not send it just yet? I need motivation to finish this bull shit presentation.
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