New universal law, if a movie has a Rob Zombie song in it, its probably a bad movie.
I woke up with a picture of my dick as my background. still wondering if it was a good night or not.
guess what. just found out I had mono. no wonder alcohol didn't taste good on nye
When I unzipped my pants I said "Release the Cracken"... she dug it so we're getting married soon.
Just facebooked the guy whose name you're yelling in there. So you're aware, his interests include "swearing at babies" and "Ice luge"
I woke up to him climbing naked through my bedroom window with a bottle of jd in his hand. Of course I had sex with him.
She literally crushed my balls between her butt cheeks. It was both the greatest and worst thing ever. Dancers are awesome.
I literally just wrote "I'm sorry" in my blue book, got up and walked out
Some girl, somewhere, is going to wake up with my face paint on her vagina
And then he told me he just wanted me to hold his cock while we watched tv...
The bald eagles cry cause u drink canadian beer.
you were crying saying "if you love me you will find me a loaf of bread"
...blackout vacation is awesome. Where did you end up? I think i'm in Miami.
Hospital.
Dude, you screamed I AM THE WALRUS while giving a statue of Ronald McCdonald a lapdance. You were NOT sober.
Just walked into the supermarket puking into a plastic bag while wearing my favorite Bob Ross shirt. I am a human disaster.
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