We're pretty sure the 'pocket' aspect of the hot pocket is unnecessary. Testing our theory now.
I just watched a girl at work pick her nose with 4 of her 5 fingers. So I now know what sausage biscuits taste like in vomit form.
just had to take a 4 hour nap to write a one page paper. its obviously the week after winter break.
he ate out my asshole, i really don't think he gets embarrassed easily.
Well we were just driving down the street, there was a realtor and a couple walking up the porch of a house for sale, mark sticks his head out, opens his mouth to say something, pukes all down the side of the car, pauses, and yells "THIS IS A PHENOMAL NEIGHBORHOOD YOURE GONNA LOVE IT"
The fact that he grabbed my boob in the middle of the conversation shows something needs to change
So for future reference.... it's a little unnerving when I can't get hold of you, and the last communication we had was, "Oh fuck... It's tequila"
Quick!! What's a good reason for me to have rug burn on my chin?
Going to a professional golf course at 2am to throw the flag poles like javelins
We're already drunk. 4 hours to go still. And there's a bear advisory. TOP WEEKEND.
You answered, dry heaved into the phone twice, & then hung up on me.
Random one night stand with a guy that had a USA tattoo on his ass. Can't possibly get more American than that
My bail money is reserved for people I either A, think were in the right, or B, have an awesome story that leads up to needing it. Just remember that before you call me.
I'm never celebrating Galentine's Day again. It was a whorrific mess.
After a crazy night, morning sex is just trying to find a position where you can thrust without getting seasick.
Randomize
