That chode just called off the engagement. I just dropped his toothbrush in the toilet. And I’ve forgotten to take my birth control for the past two weeks. He’s fucked!
i cant even explain all the reasons why i dont want to fuck you right now.
How do you say "I always respond to booty calls" when you give a guy your number?
We were driving to the party as he was giving me key bumps.. That's what I call team work
just as they were cutting his pants off he made em stop & said "everyone knows about shrinkage right".
Do you know how hard it is to maintain a conversation with someone who just told you they put their cat in the fridge on purpose?
I got written up at work for smelling like sex and vodka. Still not sure how they put that into professional terms.
I just hit myself in the face while taking off my shirt. I could never be a stripper.
He looked like he was trying to woo a lady version of himself by playing goblin music on his guitar.
Please don't place wagers on my sex life unless you are giving me a cut. With my current sluttiness I feel like I deserve 40% for how much money you'll make
She just told me she thinks she bruised her labia in class
Ok because I want to set a new world record for how fast I can drink away my Christmas money
Yeah, great now I will be tampon girl
Why were you twerking to, "The Wheels on the Bus"?
Yep. Just fucked a 34 year old on the football field where we both went to high school. That's a story for the grandkids.
Randomize
