I wish Morgan Freeman narrated my life.
i just threw up in a potted plant at home depot
twelve hours since my last beer and i just blew a .08, time to go to the library
He had the Transformers symbol tattooed to his chest. We had to do it doggy style so I could laugh into my pillow instead of his face.
He managed to completely creep out every girl I was with last night. It was almost inspiring how efficient it was.
my co-worker, his best friend who also works with us, an my baby daddy, ive turned love triangle into a retarded shape with to many sides to pronounce
You peed in my camelbak and said it was a reverse catheter. Not cool.
Now I'm at the gym and I never want to leave. It's a combo of adderall and endorphins and I don't want it to go away
i would like you to please flash back to us blacked out in the bathroom when you told me i needed to take one for the team and have a threesome with you and jon to help your relationship. you then told me you had no issue putting ghb in my drink to make it happen.
I'm 50% weirded out and 50% into it
You looked at me, said I was a nice guy. Then you drunkenly climbed on top of me and said you liked me and wanted me.
He played me Kanye.. Speaking my love language.. He got a well deserved BJ
I have a horrible feeling I left my dildo in the kitchen today after washing it. This is my life.
Guess who cheated on their SATs? Also on the same line guess who's getting in to Princeton at damn near free of charge?
It’s a 10 inch dick! Of course I’m getting a Brazilian
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