roommate just walked in on us. two and a half times. the half, she just knocked, sighed, and walked away.
So when does "going out for one drink" = giving some guy an HJ on the sidewalk?!?
Drunk. Just jacked off for the third time in an hour. I love not being Catholic anymore.
i just did the math...im a product of my mothers birthday sex
im drunk. people are steering their children away from me. whatever it is that you called for, I assure you that I don't care. have a good night
I just had a full choir singing the phrase pudding cup in my head. Too. Stoned.
Just found weed in an empty handle. Who knew Capitan Morgan was also a gardener?
Not only did I get beyond cray cray this weekend. My body has nursed itself to plentiful and impeccable health. Fuck you world, I am back.
Yeah because the only thing stopping you from fucking Emma Watson is you not being a Gryffindor
So i know i said I'm turning over a new leaf, but i met a guy with a dick piercing. I have to sleep with him. For science.
Can't beat it when the local bar sends you off with a loaf of bread on the way out the door.
he went down on me while I ate Oreos. I don't know what caused the orgasm.
I got arrested FOR running from the cops. In college Dad got arrested and THEN ran from the cops. So it could be worse.
I got drunk and bought a house last night. Also, I threw up on Mike's lawn. I'm pretty excited about one of those two things.
It's a weird kind of sexy when a guy has a bunkbed with his roommate
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