grandma shit on top of the toilet
I'm having one of those days where I just want to lay in bed and beat off all day
I just watched a blind kid buy from one of the vending machines on campus...guess there's nothing like a good surprise?
We broke two of his toes while having sex. He laughed said he'd fix it in the morning and kept going. I think I'm in love
I'm eating a piece of cake like an apple. At least my thought process is healthy.
I wanna get freshman fucked up and do shady things on the last Friday of my youth.
Going to a professional golf course at 2am to throw the flag poles like javelins
Question: should I be considering heels or is this the kind of night where I should plan on falling on my face regardless of my choice of footwear?
I'll be there with bells on. And by "bells" I mean "jäger bombs". And by "on" I mean "being poured down my gullet".
I went on an adventure and now we have more food.
Well, really we just have fire sauce and cookies. But they're edible.
He dared you to draw a map of the USA on your wall in mustard. You drew something that vaguely resembled a velociraptor eating Oklahoma, got embarrassed because you forgot how to spell America, then hid out in the coat closet until everybody left.
"Because this is an ongoing legal matter" is how his morning after sex text began. So...
Well I've decided to refuse to conform to society and be naked the rest of the day.
HIDE THE INFLATABLE PENIS
I've decided it's okay if I take a pregnancy test every month. Then I can be like, "Good job, self, way to not procreate this month!"
Randomize
