You should have seen k-money last night. She was just hanging on to the toilet for half the night. By her fourth trip to puke, she started talking to it and was doing the voices for her and it. She kept saying "...we thank you for your continued business..." haha
I rubbed one out into an envelope and mailed it to her. Game point, I win.
as if moving home wasnt embarassing enough, mom picked up my laundry while i was gone. guess who needs to find a new hiding spot for his cum towel..this guy.
So in our children's lit class, some jackass little boy had gone thru the where's waldo book and circled waldo. I realize you would have been that kid.
and the award for most disgusting thing ever done on my couch now officially goes to you! Congratulations, you won the couch...I can't even look at it anymore.
I need to find my pants, a way out of here, and a cheeseburger.
You've slept with me you know how lazy I am in bed.
He showed up at my door at 3 AM wearing a Santa hat with a tiara attached.
Bar selfie Saturday turned into bar nudie Saturday in a hurry. I need to delete my snapchat...
This is the third year in a row that Mario has fallen through a table on New Years. I'm sensing a tradition developing.
I woke up naked in this guys bed and the first thing I start saying is it's super bowl Sunday like I was yelling
Turns out he's actually a she. Might keep dating her just to see Mom's reaction.
NO. NONE OF THAT. SHAME ON YOU.
I told you that we shouldn't have sex. You said "its okay I already saw you pee" apparently that was convincing
Why is everyone giving me a hard time for drinking?!
Your in the library.
Randomize
