So how was last night?
Let's just say I danced with the devil
Huh?
I'm going to Hell for sure
I drank like a thousand beers last night and my poo is solid, not gross like usual. I think this means I've grown up.
I got tired of walking to the bathroom that I decided to throw up in a cup. I now have 3 cups full of vomit on top of my mini fridge
I just typed 14 shots of Smirnoff into my calorie count toolbar. Then typed pole dancing 1.5hrs into the calorie burner search. Should break even.
Defiantly just threw away our yearly bottle collection in front of the campus tour. The school should pay me for recruitment
Whoa, Gary Coleman died
Whatchu talkin bout?!?!
Too soon.
Just think about how many life skills I lack. Cooking... Driving... Sobriety...
Mark is going to get hypothermia. he is shirtless eating snow bc he "doesnt want to be dehydrated" tomorrow. youre in charge.
You just want to fuck a girl in a dinosaur costume, don't you?
You will not judge me for my made-up holiday of wine appreciation day
Woke up with a squirrel in my bed, how was your night?
Say what you want about my van, but I've got more action there than in my apartment. A body pillow and a joint still go a long way!
fuck off. It's 10am and I'm drink gin and ginger ale through a twizzler straw. My life is marvellous
drinks after work?
that question mark offends me.
Meeting him up for him to pay half of the Plan B was awkward but worth it cause I'm broke as fuck
Randomize
