I went from sexy to sloppy in a matter of minutes
He had a number 3 tattooed on his penis. And when I asked what it meant, he said " you know like dale earnhardt, the intimidator".
I don't apprectiate you insinuating that my breasts have a sort of bremuda triangle effect
Just got mistaken for a cardboard cutout ad in line at Taco Bell. New low?
you went to subway and got pissed when they refused to deep fry your sub
Could someone please kill snooki before she contributes to the gene pool.
I wish i could 80s montage me losing weight
I'm bringing Sergeant Single Slut out this weekend. I hope you're ready for her.
Shit. I'm suppose to call the bank but I'm too high to talk numbers.
Tequila, beer, rum, gin, and vodka all mixed in my body last night. The whole "never turn down free booze" is catching up to me. Hungover = understatement of the year.
I don't care how hot she is, her cat has pissed on me twice.
He's tiny, but ripped. Like a stacked hobbit. He's going to pull our sexy, crime-fighting rickshaw.
I need more than 2 fuckable people this is an outrage
decided to jump from one of the levels of the Westin chicago Nortghwest. it was worth the broken legs.
Just got an x-ray done of my hip and you can clearly see the outline of my penis in it. When the doctor saw it she said "wow I haven't seen one that big on an x-ray before." Pretty sure the doc and the nurses are going to be talking about me on their lunch break.
Randomize
