Skipped a towel and decided to spit the cum into his face. I now owe him new contacts.
We must be getting old. All of our friends are having kids and they aren't illegitimate.
They need a stunt cock, be about 20 more minutes.
Held my professor's hair back while she was puking. I'd better get an A out of this or else the pics are going on Facebook.
I'm pretty sure I just woke up to one of the airport janitors saying that she wanted to tie me up and do something.. I couldn't hear what, thank god
I think as far as last words to bitter ex girlfriends go, "enjoy that staph infection youre about to get in your uterus" is right up there with the best
Apparently we both projectiled on Erin at the same time.
That's some true roommate bonding right there.
What made this night legendary was getting pulled over for looking suspicious while wearing an iron man mask
if memory serves, the guy you were hooking up with said he was a slutty skittle.
Well, that was my first dog walk of shame. Nothing says "I've got my life together" like an inside out shirt and a baggie full of dog shit.
Dude i'm still drunk and i'm feeding a raccoon cereal from my bedroom window
I was out of breath when we were getting started and he offered me his inhaler so he's a keeper
Just try not to have a boner when you're giving your best man speech, it will really kill the vibe
I'm pmsing pretty hard.. .just cried 3 times while eating a Hershey bar dipped in peanut butter
I need like a billion tiny bottles of alcohol to put in the patron pinatas
Randomize
