omg! a creepy truck driver just made a frog puppet wave at me!!!
why is allison so mad at me??
me and her walked into dans and you yelled "hello my dear alli, you're looking mighty overweight today!".
crap..
I think forcing your little sister to drink with you on a Wednesday when she has school the next day is the low point of alcoholism.
sorry for allegedly lighting the beer pong balls of fire
But fine, we can play that game. You can come over and we can have totally platonic, long, boring discussions. Or we can fuck. Whatever.
............HELP Ive been abducted by vodka and its poisoning my brain fat chicks are getting cute and i slept with my sisters friend who slightly resembles john kerry....,,help
If there was a tv show called "True Life: My 58 Year Old Dad Rolls Better J's Than Me" I'd be on it.
You're the horniest male I have ever encountered
Makes it sound like you're a scientist documenting your discoveries. I warned you.
How many times is too many times to use the word 'fuck' in my thesis?
Our relationship is perfect
90% threatening to punch him in the dick 10% actual dickpunching
he force fed me pizza, ripped my clothes off, almost broke the couch, and actually broke my nose. it was a good night, i'd say 😂
i believe in u and ur pee
Yeah I knew you'd like him. He's emotionally and physically self destructive.
We would have so much to talk about!
So Blakes coming home... so if youre like fingerbanging the shit out of yourself on the kitchen table...wrap it up
I don’t understand his energy
What? Nice? Lmao
Randomize
