You know it's an interesting night when you drunkenly scream at your boss, "You'd make a HORRIBLE OBGYN!! You're hands are ENORMOUS!"
The sun is out and the snow is finally starting to melt here... Vodka bottles keep popping up everywhere. Guess it's the college version of burying nuts for the winter
So there I was.....spitting on my goldfish just to keep it alive.
wanna get hammered and throw tomatoes at the people standing in line for the midnight showing of harry potter and yell whichcraft is evil
mary just dropped the yahtzee dice in her wine. and shes throwin em like shes on a craps table.
hahahaha slap the bag.
why are all my papers due the day after my potential hangover
It was relaxing until your penis crawled in my ear.
I'll be there in spirit. Right there in your vagina.
Wow it must be so difficult to be as popular as you are and smoke as much weed as you do
right now I need to figure out a smart way to get an accurate picture of his dick so I know what in dealing with, right now in flying blind.
Right now I'm drinking out of a gallon water jug & eating a baconator. If you're feeling down, just remember you could be me.
Dude I bought a 300 dollar buffalo painting. I'm no longer allowed to take shrooms.
Dude, my vagina feels like new again! I love antibiotics. How's your day?
WHY are you masturbating to hockey fights?
I boned my sugar daddy for the first time yesterday and now I know why they say guys in their 40s are the best. Also I’m getting a car.
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