Damn. That makes sense
I know im like the sherlok holmes of sexual problems
Ask me how many people I've slept with. Because its changed since I last saw you.
I saw you 20 MINUTES AGO. You need to stop this.
She's allergic to latex.
Lucky bastard.
i woke up next to a ladle and a packet of chocolate biscuits that my face had melted into one giant biscuit.
He wasn't eating out, he was performing a hysterectomy without a license....should I be worried about my future family?
Apparently that big girl from last night tried to take me upstairs when I was blacked out and all I did was grab Qs arm and whisper 'don't let her take me'
You better fucking tell me or I'm turning blow job week into go fuck yourself week.
MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! I REPEAT, MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL! I LITERALLY NOW HAVE TO CANCEL ALL OF MY WEEKEND PLANS.
Her car is covered in frozen vomit, and she lost her iPhone. I'm also pretty sure I smoked crack last night. Rest in peace 2014.
It's gotten to the point where waking up in my own apartment is a surprise
I can't decide which is better: the sex, or remembering that I have ice cream in the freezer after he left
I'm eating shredded cheese and chugging coke, until I can function again. I'm tingling everywhere
just call my name and ill be there, if we are puking, beating up bitches, or pickin up men, OR avoiding wierd men, so many situations require a wingman
I love waking up to reeses ice cream. But I DONT love waking up to it all over my cat. I blame you.
I feel like my toilet water looks different when outsiders use my bathroom...
Are you high right now?
HOW DID YOU KNOW!
Randomize
