Can i not drive my cunt home
she just asked me to help her create a twitter page for edward cullen's hair.... seriously.
i kind of just want to tell my cleaning lady I'm an alcoholic so it's not awkward when I stumble out of my room to go sit in my car for 2 hours and wait for her to finish cleaning the several empty bottles of wine in my room
While you were puking in the ocean I was rubbing your back saying "Just give it back to Mother Earth".
I've ID'd the nipple biter.
He gave me a hug and said "He doesn't deserve you, Anna. Your boobs are great, and I'd fuck you anytime. Any. Place." I need a new 'gay' friend.
It's called the eyeliner-blowjob correlation, read a science book bro
also my alarm just went off. I am always amused at what time drunk me decides to wake up.
But in today's society it's frowned upon not to wear pants in public.
My ladyscape is the envy of many and the shangrila of few. I will display it proudly.
He was having this drunk emotional breakdown and I was just trying to cheer him up but instead fell and dumped the whole pickle jar on me
It was cool though because he was fine afterwards and somehow I convinced them I did it on purpose...
When you wake up on the bus on 139th but you're staying at 6th
133 to go
My butt remains clenched, sir.
One of the finest moments in my life was when I was puking in between my legs as I was shitting, and thought to myself "hmm this shall be called shomiting."
Don't do him, he's a Dolphins fan! A FUCKING DOLPHINS FAN!
You're having marijuana delivered to you. You're buying drugs and you aren't even leaving the house. I'm sure he'll be surprised if you're NOT wearing a bathrobe.
Randomize
