Did u pay ur friends to not make fun of me?
eating taco bell the same day as formal = probably a bad idea
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
I don't care what he thinks. My vagina has an open door policy.
my tonsil wound opened up during the kegstand but i stopped it with a popsicle
Almost just got kicked out of a bar because the locals spilled beer everywhere when we taught them to shotgun.
I don't really know how to explain this place...it's like I feel like I need an std just to fit in
Regardless of the amount of alcohol you may consume tonight - DON'T take anybody home
He went THROUGH MY PHONE (he's 30 for God sake) then asked me why I was stringing along 12 guys... I told him he could have just asked me if I was banging other people and then saved himself from looking at pics of dicks bigger than his.
I like to think of you as more a magic eight ball of my life's journey?
they had to take the Corona's out of the fish tank because they wouldn't fit with the mini replica of the roman coliseum in there. so we drank the Corona's. does beer have an expiry date?
Look on the bright side, one day you will get to tell your grandkids how grandpappy got roofied on his 21st and woke up in a for sale house missing his shoes
A drank guy in the ER just sang Trouble to me and when he sang 'Lying on the cold hard ground' he threw himself onto the ground and landed on the wrist he'd just broken. Thirsty Thursday is weird already and it's not even 5.
The guy who's car I hit last night just followed me on Twitter...not sure how to feel about it.
Auto correct isn't even working for how drunk you are
did you know that sneaking into a golf course at midnight is a felony? the cop made sure to tell us after she peed on the course and hit on him
Randomize
