She thinks she is all that and a bag of skittles but I'm definitely not tasting the rainbow...
..Thats also how I think I got the lyrics from MIAs Paper Planes Sharpeed on my ass? Maybe.
so today in my theology class we brought up the proper way to have sex. so rough sex was said by the teacher...I said I know a girl that likes to be choked. sorry but everyone knew it was you
do you know what's more awkward than a positive pregnancy in a public bathroom?
not a thing
walking in on a stranger's positive pregnancy test in a public bathroom
I think it was the chocolate body paint and awesome blowjob that finally made us official.
I command you to take a shot and dance like the pretty little gay boy you are.
I'm almost positive that you shat in a birdhouse
I forced myself to puke in my garbage can, and the next day I bought a new one and burnt the old one. You could say it was a rough night
You know, I think I'm going to rock the shit out of this whole mid-twenties thing. Fuck babies and weddings -- I have vodka and young cock.
Good friends go out of their way to crop dust your ex not once but twice. I knew we were friends for a reason
Booty called 3 guys from my hospital bed
I always knew I would be boring and die in an Uber.
I quit doing blow for him. If that doesn’t say “I’m in love with you and want to marry you” idk what does
The people above me are fucking to Miley Cyrus
No I'm not lying to you. I'm just not telling you the whole story. There's a massive difference.
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