I feel like abortions should bother me more
nailed a girl as she was wearing a darth vader shirt. Cross that one off my list.
BEES IN MY FUCKING PANTS. HELP.
i woke up this morning cuddling with a 3 foot statue of Jesus. heaven here i come
My mom just told me to drench my entire body in vodka for 20 minutes. I have never been this russian. no one has ever been this russian
He called his prostate his "boner button".
Alosmot hir two of of mt mailanoxwa
Oh Jesus.
Well anything after a French guy would have been a disappointment. But I'm fairly certain he was just trying to masturbate into me.
all time personal low: room service guy going "You want french fries AND onion rings???"
He told me that his greatest skill was making White Russians.
I mean it could have been worse, I could have been sober.
I say this out of love and friendship. Eat ice cream not the d.
I don't care how hot she was, she wouldn't stop singing "Shut Up and Dance", instant boner-killer.
He showed his fake to the cop and was like "does the coloring look off to you?"
He cut off part of his middle finger playing the knife game while singing The Knife Game Song at the top of his lungs. He also scream like a girl when his finger hit the floor and he realized he fucked up.
Randomize
