I always feel awkward when im sitting at home watching the price is right and the fat contestant get the gym equipment.
oh btw spread eagle is not an appropriate phrase to use in a scientific presentation. learned that the hard way
is it normal that we went to that class once and both got 100's on the final? ohhhh, arizona state.
it went kinda like vodka, childhood memories, screaming/cursing, fist fight, tears, broken shit, passing out. in that order. tis the season.
I woke up at 5 this morning face down on my bed with gummy bears stuffed in my leggings. Yeah.
It was honestly like finding a clitoris in a haystack.
We should probably just have a threeway and get everyone on the same page.
Also txt me when you take your first dump of the year... I'd like to synchronize if that's at all possible.
Yeah. You can ask him out. We're just fuck buddies. My vagina will be sad but your heart can be happy.
Either I'm deep cleaning my apartment out of severe academic procrastination or I'm subconsciously nesting and need to take a pregnancy test.
The EMT told me when I left the ER "I'd like to take off your pants again and inspect your package. Just not during a medical emergency..." We're hooking up tonight.
Points for getting a hot hook up after getting a shard of glass in your thigh. Almost makes it worth it.
Sorry for all the texts. I got wasted and woke up at the foot of a staircase. From what I can gather, I fell down it.
exhale infront of a fan. self shotgun.
You were petting a 40 year old man's moustache for 15 minutes
Stop recording sex noises and setting them as my ringtones. This time it was at a funeral
Randomize
