Dude, my boy c***** and I hooked up with Asian sisters last night in the same room
Then I put on blue by Eiffel 65 and security showed up and yelled at us for being too loud. Also, they stopped fucking because no one can fuck to eiffel 65
have you ever noticed that homeless people never have acne. suck it proactive
My mom just told me that after i turned eight i stopped growing mentally and emotionally
Fat spanish girl grinding against air conditioner. ive seen everything now
Dude someone is playing the piano in the other room while I shit and it's making it really peaceful
She bet her virginity on the Celtics. Looks like Kobe wont be the only one breaking in a new ring.
I also tried to drunkenly adopt a kitten last night. It didn't pan out.
You face planted into a car door. And somehow didn't drop your burrito.
And then he said he would build me a mountain dew water fountain
Marry him now.
So I'm about to drive his drunk ass home and he spits on my car. Before I can say, "Dude, what the fuck?!", he puts his finger to my lips and goes "shhh, its in the past."
You can get gift cards to the liquor store! This changes everything.
He referred to our sex as "an Olympic event." My tits are bruised.
I can get weed and taco bell delivered but frozen peas and a loaf of bread are just too scarce, what the hell is wrong with people?
God... We're terrible. I'm so proud of us.
I know! It makes me feel all warm inside. Or maybe that's just me getting closer to hell.
My new gym is popular with trophy wives. They’re talking about yachts and plastic surgery
Learn their secrets! I want to meet men with Maseratis. The meat heads and Mustangs scene is getting old
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