They threw me out of the bar because I was arguing business ethics with the owner of th bar
i'm behind the bar giving him a hand job. i need stuff to make my foot stop itching.
okay, this is where i needed to clarify that i was kidding before when i said that jizz helps mosquito bites. but let me know how that goes. for future reference.
A man bought two 40's from me, then asked if I had duct tape. How do people over 50 know about Edward 40hands? It was very weird.
cocks speak louder than words, as they say
Nobody says that.
Fate is real! that hot chick, Megan just showed up dressed as jasmine and I'm dressed as Aladdin this is going to be cake
Witnessing a crazy lady on the bus screaming about how romney is one of the four horsemen of the apocalypse.
Also the McRib is back. Lets get high, dress like cowboys, and eat some McRibs.
I left your tip in your mailbox. Last night was amazing.
Remember that time I hopped home naked from the bar, then tried to convince you I was ok to drive you home? Good call on the taxi.
Explain why there's a meatball in my bong
FUCK and YOU. times 10. To infinity and beyond. You bastard. Worst. Cockblock. Ever. I'm going to nail your sister.
The dude is a cop how would I ever date a cop I wouldn't be able to talk about the first TWENTY-SEVEN years of my life!
Bruh why you gotta judge
You're awake at 3:30 in the morning RSVPing to a musical, I'm well within my means
The day I let him eat me out will be the day that Donald trump is an honest, kind, non-bigoted member of society
Whose panties are you wearing on your head and why are you sending me pics of it?
Randomize
