I like bacon cheeseburgers and the pussycat dolls
Does that mean you want me to loosen up your buttons at carls jr?
but she was nice to me.
She was a fuckin STRIPPER.
If my body was a temple, I pissed all over the front stairs last night..
Took an aderol, wrote a differential equation for solving volume of flow of a rectangular channel with change in depth, then masturbated for the 6th time.
so she called me drunk and made me stay on the phone with her while she puked.
Hit a parked car with a "property of Jesus Christ" bumper sticker. Wrote out five hail mary's and left it on the windshield.
turkey basters and jungle juice, is that really the whole shopping list for new year's?
HOW IS IT EARTHLY POSSIBLE TO DO THAT MUCH DAMAGE WITH JUST MY THUMBS?? HOW???
He said he could outsmoke me so I challenged him to a weed duel. I don't always very competitive but when I do...
I need to pull it together. I just cried my eyes out to Master Chef Junior.
I think he knows I took a picture of him. Why I don't get punched in the face more often is anyone's guess.
Vasectomy results are in. No swimmers in the water. REPEAT. No swimmers in the water. Come help me harness my new found super-power
Crying in Target on a display sofa is normal, right? Asking for a friend.
i don't know when underwear became an acceptable clothing choice for parties, but god help me i hope this isn't a passing trend.
I feel like everything in my life has been preparing me for my future sex robot experience
You’re so close!!!
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