She had a bottle of NAIR in her bathroom, but she clearly hadn't been using it.
You called information & said "connect me to johnny depp" when they told u it wasn't listed u said " try depp comma johnny he's expecting my call"
New dating criteria: what kind of ex will this person be?
still haven't packed clothes. only wine. gotta love spring break
I walked in on him shirtless licking the mirror while talking to his reflection. So yes, I definitely want to do shrooms the next time you get them.
he just told me i make him happier than drugs. that's some serious shit right there
Numbies before the dentist, such a good idea.
So, I found out he was eating a jolly rancher while eating me out.. Hence the yeast infection.
I found your Halloween costume. I think you shit yourself last night
He woke up in a dragon costume, covered in bong water. That was a party we will regret missing.
It looks like a baby bear tried to chew off my nipples.
I said he looked like a lumberjack and that's when he came. I guess he liked the beard compliment?
I know it's going to be a good day because he didn't notice the bite mark on my butt.
As a rule...I don't sleep with my friends or watch movies with talking dogs
He sent me a text saying his breakfast today was leftover mead and some fruit salad
Randomize
