East Village: Only place you can play pac man while eating a pineapple hotdog, go to the bar next door and see a graphic blowjob on every tv
i have now learned nap means the same thing as sex in college
I remember her trying to talk to me a few times after we broke up and I'd always change the subject to bagels.
We need to get her a baby shower present. And no, a blow up sex doll with her dead boyfriends picture stuck to it, is not appropriate.
i told him i was allergic to semen. he pulled out an epipen.
Called the cops on a high school party then went in after all the kids ran away and took the rest of the beer. What are you doing tonight?
Boys that pee in my bed don't get happy birthday wallposts on facebook
Update... last night a man tried to bite my ear. I think he swallowed my pearl earring.
GOD DAMMIT TARYN WHY DO WE ALWAYS HAVE TO ROB PLACES IN OUR FUTURE PLANS?!
Any recommendations for how to tell your wife about the pics of her 19 yr old sister on a porn site without admitting you were surfing said porn site?
There's some random guy here dryhumping my kitchen door. If he is a friend of yours, please come and retrieve him.
I spent three hours in the ER last night to figure out that my friend just had to take a shit
Interesting. All i can really say is humanoid shaped doritos bags melting very slowly
Apparently I've texted the word shitfucked so much it auto-completes it now.
Im sitting on the floor of the hotel room eating nachos and drinking coffee. People should learn to embrace their hangovers
Randomize
