how the fuck am i supposed to make breakfast with spaghettios and mustard
His idea of a romantic evening was shotgunning Keystones. What a keeper.
I fucked her to her "thinking of him" playlist. Sucks to be that guy haha
And the cops told us we were all naked.
I'm not going to need your "it doesn't mean you're a slut" pep talk after all.
trying to line up a DD for St Pats Day. i guarantee i will put out. or puke and pass out. really its 50/50 at this point.
Trick or treaters just rang our doorbell
Give them the moldy beer cans, we need to get rid of those
No. I want him to marry me so we can spend our lives together. I also want a to-scale model of his genitals to mount above my fireplace
They play video games, go on acid trips, and in times of need, are willing to donate plasma together. COUPLE OF THE YEAR.
I NEED to see if his girl has a sister.
I woke up with a massive hangover and realized I still had an entire bottle of tequila in my car...so yeah, working on tomorrow's hangover.
I'm gonna play eenie meenie at the bar tonight because it's women's day and I deserve the dick
I woke up this morning with my hand on his dick. That sneaky bastard.
dude can you explain to me why i woke up on your sisters floor with moutain dew and chips everywhere
i dont know im at your house.
Dude, running 15 min late.
Let's play a game, you pay for all the drinks I can finish before you get here. Go.
The streets are paved with hand jobs
Randomize
