I didn't think it was possible for the human body to be physically dependant on weed until I moved in with this kid
i just overheard a girl at the next table saying she gave up sex for lent
don't you ever do that...
She was kinda tragic... like a puppy that runs into things. Cute but really stupid. So, yeah, I hit it.
I was just handed a mimosa the size of my head. Stay tuned.
look out your window.... he's holding his iphone up like a boombox playing you beach boys
Just used my cancer results to get a free lap dance. Great day just got better.
I think the taxi driver just requested me on facebook..... his name was george right?
I love our strategizing... I wish we used the same passion for planning our lives and future that we use for planning our drunken escapades... We would both be doctors by now, I swear
I knew when her mom came in spraying me with Febreeze telling me I smelled like shame it was going to be a rough day.
151 hangover. Need apocalypse.
He sent me a blank text message. That's a booty call waiting to happen
It feels like I was drinking gasoline last night.
At least your road beer policy is responsible. Well, relatively speaking.
Aww his grandma died? That's sad! No mourning sex!!! That doesn't lead to good things!
I feel asleep with my contacts in, with my arms wrapped around a bottle of vodka. Also... Do we have class today?
Randomize
