giving him head while hes talking to his fiancee on the phone about inviting me to their wedding.... im invited. should i go or would that be wrong?
Then we managed to set a grill and all 24lbs of meat on it on fire. I didn't help because I was filled with alcohol and extra flammable.
She was drinking straight whiskey out of her peacock shaped vase again.
I walked into the garage and you were telling the bikes that you were not that drunk.
If by any chance I go to the hospital make sure you stuff a pint in my pockets so I can keep up.
Held my professor's hair back while she was puking. I'd better get an A out of this or else the pics are going on Facebook.
The guy I wanted to make out with just got beat up, let's roll.
If anyone could figure out how to pee on someone's soul, it would be you.
You always know what to say to make me feel better.
We finally have the house to ourselves and your out playing Lance Fucking Armstrong
He was spooning with the dog when I came home. Now shes afriad to go near him. Should I ask?
This is the most boring acid ever. I feel like a child. But thats okay, I've been a child before, its nothing new.
note to self: do not snort crushed up caffeine pills in the bathroom by yourself when ur super shit faced, ur face will fucking hate you in the morning.
In the future, could you not call me 'bro' while we're having sex?
guys I just made $20 cause these random south african guys thought I wasn't wearing any underwear
It's the third day of class and I got told I smell like a distillery.
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