yeah so our basement was flooded 4 feet. we just smoke and drank and then went swimming. gotta make the best out of it
i am exhausted. it's been years. we both know his dick is small. the jig is up.
Im celebrating the fact that the one guy who has ever denied me has just come out of the closet
he keeps trying to sext me and all I can do is respond with descriptions of what im eating.
My financial advisor filed my girlfriend's abortion under "investments" so my wife wouldn't find out
you left saying you wanted to "go piss on that girl's doorstep" and we didn't see you the rest of the night
that actually explains a lot
Just talked to Laura, confirming that is my bra. Hope it goes well with the rest of your wall decorations.
She kept throwing quarters at him and yelling "Goooaaallll!!" whilst taking her clothes off one by one. I'd say she had a good night
This number has temporarily been disconnected and will be restored to service once you get rid of you girlfriend.
Ran out of eye drops right after putting them in one eye. Half baked at work.
You tipped the Uber driver extra for taking your phone away while you were drunk texting
i'm licking honey sensually off my arm while alone in my room. what has my life come to
Just had a small freak out because I couldn't get my bra unhooked and thought I was gonna be stuck in it forever.
QUIT BEING A BITCH, DRINK SOME PEPTO, AND PUKE ON OUR FOES
Get to the bar now. Ryan is single again and every skank on campus that has heard story about his dick is circling like a shark. A cock hungry shark
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