i was like. eff you dude i'm 100% american. i went to a high school prom and i like springstein songs and i take rides in chevrolets.
The crowing achievement of my life is still the time I made a 3 course meal out of things I found in the dumpster.
Just so you know, the bottle of red gatorade is NOT GATORADE. It is definitely someone's puke. I hope nobody else makes the same mistake I did.
Showering in the handicapped shower. Im THAT hungover.
i asked if you wanted help changing your sheets after you threw up in bed. you politely declined. i take no responsibility after that.
Also, do you think you think his dick is perfect bc you loved him? Or is it actually perfect?
My god. We'll be gay porn millionaires.
Is that you who's passed out on my treadmill?
Biggest penis I've ever pity fucked
Sorry for rubbing my feet on you and repeating "good pony, stay."
ERIN AND I ARE GETTING MATCHING VIBRATORS. I'M PEER PRESSURING YOU INTO JOINING THE CLUB. Besides we're the three best friends that anyone could have, you better not ruin that by being a pussy and not treating your pussy to awesomeness. That is all.
I had to sit there with his three fat aunts talking about a bunch of 50 Shades knockoff books.
I felt like a taxi, but my meter was running up minutes he would be eating me out that night.
I'm gonna buy my dress an hour before wedding. You know, just to make sure it's gonna really happen.
T'would be a shame to waste that open bar though. They shouldn't do that to us. We've been having to pretend we're happy for two people who got engaged a week after they met.
On the flip side Weston asked if he could move me to Wisconsin to be his "moto hoe" which is actually a thing apparently
There is a sex dungeon behind the wine cellar. This is why I hate showing foreclosures.
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