another moral hangover. fuck.
Ok Hollywood, I get it. Megan Fox is hot. Now she is in a movie where she is so hot that dudes just fucking die. Great.
I wonder how many times I can be hungover in one day
girl is pretty boring. i'm gonna see if she'll let me finger her.
so high and i think i just ordered a magic bullet.
did you call within the first 18 minutes? can i have the free one?
He keeps trying to sell me the forks from his kitchen drawer
I take pleasure in knowing how many gallons of booze we've put away in comradery.
I think we should measure in "bathtubs"
Woke up fully clothed in bed sleeping on my purse.....we're back!!!
new costume idea. paint swatches and a ball gag... I'll be 50 shades of grey.
Momentum is force x velocity. So therefore velocity is 0 - hammered, and force is ur legs locked up and ur face hits the ground.
I felt paralized they just wouldnt move. We need segways when were drunk cuz if we start to fall forward they well take off and save the fall.
Who knew that the guy I fucked on your front lawn during welcome week freshman year would turn out to be my husband
well it was great until i saw his anime body pillow
I'm not strong. I'm hormonal, sad, lonely, and trying to get laid via tinder
Update: tequila girl had her hand down groomsmen pants
I think this is the first time I heard a lesbian version of baby it's cold outside.
Randomize
