Somedays I wish I were a bird. Then people wouldn't be so grossed out when I vomit
State Street has never looked so beautiful than during my walk of shame.
Getting up at 8 this morning to drink could be the best and the worst idea we've ever had
dude if i could bring that prime piece of meat home, id be the luckiest average-looking girl who ever lived
when you wake up in a apartment hallway wearing someone else's shoes, you can pretty much assume last night was a success.
Just pretend you're riding a unicorn through space. Thats how I deal with the stirrup situation at the gyno office.
All I know is she walked in crying with a bag of limes and a bottle of tequila and has been locked in her room blasting lil wayne ever since.
we have what I like to call an assload of ramen noodles
Just had a VERY VIVID visualization of wrapping a pizza around my cock and fucking its brains out. Soooooo less weed more dates?
I wish the guy I was sleeping with wasn't on house arrest.
It's like Jesus got stoned and this would be the sandwiches he'd make
Also... I'm unsure what to do with my face while someone is choking me during sex. Like I feel like its hard to look flattering.
The fact that my boss lets me drink on my lunch break makes Mondays much easier.
I'm not winning any crowns in the Miss Emotionally Stable pageant either...
He surprised me with a puppy tail butt plug in his ass and wants me to fuck him
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