And then she was like, "don't do anything. No blow jobs, don't let him stick his fingers in weird places because people have germs."
I was preparing to do my walk of shame shirtless, but then I found my sweater, wallet and keys neatly piled under a tree in the park.
I just want to steal his innocence through his penis. I really do.
She made out with the kickboxers bf. She was just asking to get kicked in the head. In the middle of the bar.
Climbing out Mr. Friday night's bathroom window. He thinks I'm puking. Be on state st. with the getaway car and if you could bring me a shirt and some advil that'd be dandy.
So proud. See you in five. I've got coffee.
Hey..um, you dont know me, but I just found your purse in a bush at the end of my street this morning
My way of showing team usa support, bronze: handy silver: bj gold: home run. God, I'm patriotic
I thought he was being really sweet and protective when he pulled me away from the guy i was hooking up with, but turns out he just wanted me to get chicken nuggets with him...
And I was like "take off the damn flower crown, we're about to have sex not post an indie picture on tumblr"
why not an indie porn pic then
You don't even know. The entire marching band thinks I'm an alcoholic.
It says a lot about the way my life is going right now that 'there's no shit in your house' is fucking good news.
I offered him midol and told him "it always helps my period so maybe it'll help yours"
oh my god you are days, if not hours away from a dick pic. This is the day the lord has made rejoice and be glad in it
He's such a neat freak that he started making the bed while I was still laying on it naked. He succeed in case you were wondering.
I woke up the whole house screaming I need my shorts they found me in the kitchen with a bag of strawberries naked
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