Well listen chief - never again do i want the scenario of going to the ER totally naked and partially drunk to b a possibility.
Ana's brother is visiting for the wknd. He came back to our place last night drunk to find me passed out naked it in the shower with the water still running. I was still drunk. We decided it was a good idea to have sex and sleep on the bathroom floor. Woke up this morning spooning and using my towel as a pillow.
Your parents are going to be so confused in the morning
More like pissed. but ill be sure to explain my pathological fear of terrorists hiding in the bathtub
I wish i could be there for it
Do you ever look back at facebook pics and say, "are those really guys I had sex with?"
he rolled over in his sleep, called me a hoe and then grabbed my crotch. some things never change, asleep or not.
you were cooking a hot pocket with a grill lighter what did you want me to do
I want to know him. He looks like he makes really good breakfast burritos.
I think I have vodka in my lungs
You know when you blow me it's the softest, most amazing feeling ever. Like putting my dick in a silk bag filled with puppy ears.
Making a mobile stripper pole for the back of my truck memorial weekend. Is where dignity goes to die
I'm not sure what your ex was trying to say to me I was too busy chanting your name in his face
We have GOT to stop getting stoned and going out for expensive dinners.
Every time I try to do something productive I end up searching ghost porn.
I think I met my butt stuff soulmate
Also my roomates are going to be gone till sunday. Make correct decision here
Quit calling your parents your roomates
Randomize
