just threw up nine times in the shower.. solid night last night.
I've already come up with two plans that will probably end with me getting kicked out of here. You guys should come faster.
please don't go to jail. I'd hate to have to call the montgomery county jail every time I need sex advice
Watching dad use Doritos to illustrate exactly where to locate the clitoris. How's your family christmas going?
He used his one phone call to tell me not to let anyone drink all his vodka until he could bail himself out.
you know you're a senior when your friends are at the bar before you even get out of class
why the fuck would you go to class? it's karaoke wednesday.
I was like a damn cattle dog, I separated all the sheep, I can wing man for anyone on this campus.
Package arrived for me from the gf while she's on vacation..under the bed bondage kit and new lingerie...my boner could drive to the airport
I just rolled a blunt and took my bra off. I'm not going anywhere.
I'm too drunk to explain this to you. It's too hard.
I would be down to associate sex w taco bell
So my ex just asked for my address to send me his wedding invitation... in Europe. Awesome.
That’s basically a green light to fuck his dad
My new favorite word is dickbag. I think its relevant here. And I say that with all the love in the world.
you started putting peanut butter on your pubes.
Is there a way to use porn to inspire him to have dirty thoughts? Like the movie Inception except with more lube and orgams?
Randomize
