So I'm at the Chevron by your house. I need a condom and a couch.
Together?
Preferably.
you didnt have any toilet paper so I just took a shower
and when i screamed you came in my eye, i found out that everyone else in the room had only pretneded to be sleeping
Life is so much better after having sex.
Pray the makeout fairy visits me this weekend.
Telling me its the beginning of school is like telling me the crown royal fairy has come back from vacation.
I'm too hungover to crawl to the fridge so im eating the candy nipple tassels I got bought for Christmas
the parade is in 5 days. put your big boy pants on and come to beer training. time to build your tolerance. i can't have you passing out in a bush with a cape on again this year.
Also I think I'm starting to get calluses on my hands from my level of sexual activity
I found a video of myself completely naked on my phone giving a drunk tutorial on how to shit properly while blindfolded. Did you record it?
How do you delicately ask if your friend's dad was arrested for solicitation of prostitution?
He's gonna be so upset when he get's a real job and can't do serious drugs.
He is getting no nudes from me. I don't even care if I'm losing his legal advice.
I just want to trace his tattoos with my tongue
if it makes you feel any better you looked really comfortable while you were sleepin in the closet, atleast according to the pictures i woke up with on my phone
Randomize
